From the diary of Sam
by Averted Aesop
Summary: Previously a oneshot, now another chapter added. First chapter very fluffy, second chapter kinda sad. Sam is just about to turn 15. She has figured a few things out and starts to write about them in her diary. CAM femmeslash
1. Chapter 1

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU WANT TO LIVE! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND SHOW YOU PAIN YOU DIDN'T THINK WAS POSSIBLE.

Unless you're Carly of course. In that case I trust you to stop reading now. Or if you don't that you'll still be my friend after what I'm about to write.

Seeing as this is my first entry in my so called diary (It really is just notebook that I stole from Fredward. I had to tear out a few pages of technobabble before I could start.) I guess I should introduce myself.

My name is Samantha Puckett (no middle name of course, that's what you get for being born by a selfish mother). I will be 15 years old tomorrow and I've just decided that I'm gay. Not really decided I guess, more like accepting and realizing. I've had a few crushes on guys, but it has never been more than me thinking that I could possible be ok with kissing this guy. It has never been anything like what girls make me feel. But not even random hot girls can do to me what one very special girl can. Carly. The beautiful, amazing, selfless, caring and cute girl that is my best friend.

My mom is an alcoholic and I hate school so I guess it isn't surprising that I'm only happy when I spend time with her. But it's much more than that. I live for my time with her. Everyone has to figure out what the meaning of life is. For me that's easy. The meaning of life is being with Carly. When I'm with her I don't have to be scary all the time. I can be myself, it's a cliché I know, but damn it that's how I feel. Right now I have this dorky, happy smile on my face, thinking about Carly. I don't even care about being a dork if I could be her dork.

She makes me want to be good. It's not easy being good in a world full of dimwits and knuckleheads. Either I want to beat them up or steal something from them. I'm usually too smart to get caught and I sure as hell don't fear hell for my crimes. But there is one thing that keeps me from doing even worse things than I've done. That's Carly of course. It would break my heart if Carly stopped loving me. If I hurt someone really badly she would be so disappointed in me and might never talk to me again. If that happened I don't think I'd even need to kill myself. I think I'd simply die. OK, I guess I'm being a drama queen there, but that's what she does to me.

Anyway, the point is that I love Carly and I want to be with her. I'm not a loser like Freddy though. I'm not gonna just sit here and write about my love. I'm gonna get her, because she deserves someone who loves her more than anything and who is ready and willing to protect her from anything the world can bring. I am that person and I'm going to show that to her. I haven't figured out the details yet but I know that Carly Shay will be mine.

**

I didn't have a party even though it was my birthday today. The few people I can stand are not enough to fill a party. It was still a good birthday though. My mom actually remembered to give me a present. It's about a 50 % chance that she doesn't but this year I got a DVD of the newest big hit comedy. After school I went home with Carly of course. She had hugged me in school and told me that I would get my present later. Of course, for me that hug really was all that I needed. Feeling her soft body against mine is sweet torture. Sweet because it's her, but torture because I can't touch her in the way I want to. In the naughty way. Naughty is a stupid word, but I really, really want to be naughty with Carly.

Anyways, about the present. It was a diorama of the iCarly studio with me and Carls and Fredward. I didn't actually know what a diorama was, but Carly told me and when she tells me something I actually listen. It really was a present from both Carly and Spencer, apparently they had made it together. It really was a very sweet gift from a sweet girl. If I had been sentimental (another word Carly taught me) I would have started to cry. We played with it like little girls. I love to be childish some times, probably because my own childhood was so crappy before I met Carly. I told Freddie that I actually knew voodoo and that I would test it on his doll. He said that he didn't believe me, but there was fear in his eyes. I would never have done anything to the doll since I got it from Carly, but it was fun to scare him.

Then we had cake. I always eat cake at Carly's on my birthday. I don't think I've ever got cake at home. Carly had baked it (again being sweet) and it was delicious with lots of chocolate and some banana thrown in. I ate almost half of it but I would have traded all of it for one little speck of glazing. It was the one little speck that ended up on Carly's cheek. I wish I could have licked it off and moved to kiss her in a big chocolaty kiss. Oh well.

I guess it was a good birthday though, not that I really care about birthdays, but it feels nice that Carly does. And Spencer I guess. He's actually really cool. I think that if I wasn't gay I might have a crush on him. He's older of course, but not old enough to be a gross old geezer. Still I just want him as my brother in law.

Yesterday I wrote about having a big goofy smile on my face and that's even more true today, cause right now I'm actually looking at Carly. She's at her desk doing homework and I'm in her bed writing this. She's so damn cute when she's concentrating. I actually love that she's so smart and ambitious.

Shit, she wants me to come over and learn. I really hate math, but I really love it when she tries to teach me something. Gotta go.

**

Today is Tuesday and I think I have figured things out. It's actually all thanks to some douchebag named Cody. He's this really popular guy and today he came over to me and Carly and asked her out. I was in the middle of a conversation with her and this guy just comes up and butts in to ask her out. He's actually lucky she shot him down cause is she hadn't I would have hit him in the nuts. Ok, maybe I wouldn't have done that cause I would have been in huge trouble, but I really wanted to. Anyways, the point is that she actually said no. I asked her why and she really didn't have an answer, she just shrugged. I don't know what to make of that. She's really popular in school. All kinds of guys ask her out. The nerds like her because she's smart. The jocks like her because she's hot and everyone likes her because she's funny. The thing is though she always says no.

Back to my plan. It's simple really, I'm gonna ask her out. I don't wanna be all dramatic and say that I love her. Nope, I'm gonna do it the old fashioned way and go on a date with her and see what happens. I'm simply gonna be at my most charming and hopefully win her heart. I wanna show her that I can be romantic. It's silly really me wanting to be romantic, but she brings it out in me. I guess that's what love is all about, it makes you crazy.

**

Wednesday.

Yay! This Friday I got a date with the most beautiful girl in the world. Carly Shay. Well, there is one little problem I guess. It's kinda ambiguous (another Carly word) what kind of date this really is. I'm testing to waters a bit I guess. Here's how it happened.

First thing in the morning I saw her by her locker. Not really first thing in the morning, I had missed the first class. Anyway, I walked up to her and said "Hey there beautiful". It was a cheesy line, but I couldn't think of anything better and it sure is true. I've told her that she's beautiful before, but never like that in a flirty manner. She started to blush and gave me the cutest smile ever in return.

She said hi back and then I went on. "How about you and me on a date this Friday?" She started to blush even more and asked me "Date?". I said yes with this flirty smile on my face and she said yes, blushing even more. So now we got our date.

The thing is of course that I didn't really make it clear that it was more than friends going out. She might have thought I was just being silly about the whole date thing and that this was my way of simply asking her to hang out, but I got the vibe that she wouldn't mind a real date. It's damn hard this, reading her mind. I never pay much attention to other people so I'm not very good at reading them. I do pay a lot of attention to Carly, but I'm afraid I'm doing some wishful thinking here. Only time can tell. Tomorrow I'm gonna get myself something really hot to wear for our date. I'm gonna blow her away (hopefully).

**

Thursday

Today I went shopping, but first there was school. I made sure to remind Carly about our date and to compliment her as much as I could. I told her again how beautiful she was, how smart she was when she helped me out with some geography and how sweet she was when held up a door for me. I realize now that I should have been the one to hold the door up for my lady, but this was the next best thing. I have a good feeling about this, because every time I complimented her she started to blush and smile.

Another thing I've done is to stay out of trouble. I was late yesterday, but other than that I've practically been a dream student these last two days. I'm never gonna be able to be a good girl like Carly, but I think I can be a little bit nicer. It's damn hard, but if I get her it'll be worth it.

On to the shopping. Carly wanted me to come home with her, but I had to say no. She did look disappointed. I really hate to see her like that, but on the other hand it meant that she really wanted to hang out with me. If she lets me I'll make it up to her tomorrow.

So, finally the shopping. I forced Freddy to come along with me and lend me some money. The other reason I wanted him to come along was that I wanted to find some clothes that would make me really hot. He's a dork, but he is a guy and if I can make him drool then hopefully It'll work on Carly as well. I think I was successful. I bought this really short jeans skirt and a tight red top with some cleavage. I showed it off and I actually think he got a boner. He might not like me, but he can't deny that I look damn hot. I do like this outfit. It's sexy without being too girly.

Tomorrow's the big date. Hopefully I'll get back to you with some good news.

**

Friday

Ok, damn I'm nervous. I'm gonna pick Carly up at her place at seven and I just need something to do until then. This is it. The best day of my life. Or possibly the worst. It's funny how small the difference is between happiness and despair. To be honest though it probably won't be the worst. Carly's still gonna be my friend even is she doesn't want anything more. I mean Freddork is still in love with her and she doesn't have any problems with that. Also I know for a fact that she isn't homophobic cause I remember this time when Spencer had this very flamboyant gallery owner and his boyfriend over for dinner and she really liked them.

Still, just being friends with her is gonna be hard. I want her so fucking badly. It's even worse than before. I'm so fucking horny right now, thinking about her. I guess I could write what I want to do with her, but it's never gonna be as good as the very dirty movie playing in my head. One thing is for sure, if Carly won't go for it I'm gonna have to get myself a girlfriend to get over her. I mean this is Seattle, how hard can it be? Still, I hope it doesn't come to that, cause no one is gonna compare to her.

Guess I had school today as well, might just as well tell you about that. Not much to report really, I'm pretty sure I had some classes, but I can't really be sure, cause all I could think about was Carly. I sat behind her in math and spent the entire class staring at the back of her head and I guess I caught an occasional glimpse of her ass. Ok, I admit I totally checked out her ass. So while I didn't learn anything in school I managed to stay out of trouble at least. I was to busy with Carly to throw any insults or harass anyone.

I did manage to actually speak to Carly though. I'm not a total dork who just keep staring at the girl of my dreams. I told her she was gorgeous and she giggled and blushed, that's definitely a good sign. I mean Carly doesn't usually giggle and blush, but I seem to have that effect on her when I want. That is a really good sign I think. I know I'm hot and I know she loves me, that really helps me. Is she really into me though? She keeps saying no to the boys, but I really don't know what that proves. I'll find out tonight though.

I gotta get dressed. I usually don't care, but tonight I'm gonna look perfect.

**

Monday

Here's what happened. I came to Carly's apartment several minutes before 7. I'm never in time, but this time I made an effort. I took a few deep breaths before I walked in. I was a bit disappointed at first when I only found Spencer working on a new sculpture. It was some kind of troll made entirely out of strings of yarn. Good thing it didn't caught fire. Anyways, the point is I was there for Carly. Remember that plan I had about making Carly speechless with my sexy clothes? Well that plan went wrong, but in the very best way possible. It was Carly who made me speechless. She just sauntered down the stairs in this incredibly tight black dress. Very short and very cleavagy. I stood there like a complete dork and stared at her. She just smiled at me, walked over to take my hand and led me out of the apartment.

I've been holding her hand many times before, but this time it was special. We walked hand in hand and didn't say a word until we got out of the building. It was a warm early summer evening and the birds were chirping. Ok, I don't really know if the birds were chirping, but it felt like a good time for birds to chirp. So, Carly asked me what I had planned for our date. She really emphasized the word date.

I had thought a lot about what we were going to do on our date. All kinds of crazy ideas, many of the illegal and/or slightly dangerous. But then I figured that I really want to make this be just like a very normal date. Being normal is quite honestly boring and nothing to strive for in my mind, but this time it was all about making sure Carly knew it was a date. I didn't want any distractions from me and her. So I had simply gone with dinner and a movie. You can't go wrong with that.

Seeing as we had to walk we were restricted to the immediate area, but I had found this really small fish restaurant where I had actually booked a table. I had specifically asked for candles on the table and some privacy and the restaurant delivered. We were seated in a corner so we had a bit of privacy. We sat there with the flickering candle light and I looked into Carly big brown eyes. I had lost all my nerve and had nothing left of my ability to speak. Good thing that Carly was able to speak.

"Wow, Sam. This is so romantic."

That's an exact quote. I'll remember those words forever. It was finally out there without a doubt that this was the romantic kind of date and apparently Carly approved. One thing I love about Carly (there are thousands, but this is an important one) is that she gives me confidence. Not the kind of confidence I need to speak in front of crowds or do something dangerous, but the kind of confidence that means I actually feel good about myself. Up until I met her many years ago I actually thought I was as worthless as my drunk mother used to tell me. Anyway, what Carly said brought me back so that I could actually speak again.

"Yes, I hoped it would be."

That's exactly what I said to her and the last exact quote I remember from the restaurant. She gave me this amazing Carly smile in return. Her face really is made for smiling. I bet she smiled from the moment she was born. She has many smiles. Crazy/funny smile when we're goofing off on iCarly. Huge grin when I'm being funny. Happy smile when she sees me. This time it was a deliberate and intense smile, but what she was saying with that smile was that she appreciated my effort.

Anyway we ordered our food, staring off with shrimp cocktails as starters for both of us. I went on to have a tuna steak while Carly went with local salmon. I don't really remember what we talked about during dinner. I guess it kinda reverted back to a normal conversation. We didn't have any awkward pauses or anything like you can have a on a first date. It felt like we were just hanging out, even though we both knew it was more than that.

When it was time for desert we both went with some kind of chocolate cake. I was being stupid and gulfed it all done almost at once, but that actually turned out to be a good thing. Carly saw my empty plate and took some of her own cake and fed it to me. I did feel a bit greedy about eating her cake, but I figured she knows that I'm greedy when it comes to food anyway. No reason to hide who I am. She kept giving me every other spoon of cake until we had finished her cake as well. During this whole time we didn't say a word. There was no need. It was just one of those moments.

When it was time to pay Carly said something about sharing the bill, but I told her that she could pay the next time. She accepted. Since I'm not a guy I don't really care who pays, but tonight I felt like I wanted to take care of her. Also the thing about she paying the next time meant that we were going to do this again.

We left the restaurant and walked to the movies, again holding hands. We reached the movies and again I had went with a classic choice. Horror. Not much imagination on my part there, but it's classic because it works. Carly is usually really brave, but she's a complete coward when it comes to horror movies and I hoped that would work to my advantage. Guess what? It did. She was curled up against for almost the entire movie. I sneaked my arm around her shoulders and she was very much OK with that. The best parts were the really scary parts when she looked away from the move and just looked at me. With her hand blocking the view of the screen. Her face was just inches away from mine and I could swear she wanted me to kiss her, but unfortunately my confidence failed. Kissing Carly is a huge step and I wasn't ready for that.

In the end I felt really stupid, like I had missed my shot. I thought that was the only chance I'd ever have to kiss her. I hid my feelings though and when I walked her back towards her apartment we were back to normal friend conversation. It felt like we reached Carly's building right away and for a moment I really felt like I had missed my one and only shot to ever kiss Carly and that it would never happen. I was completely lost and behaving like a total dork. Then Carly spoke. The second unforgettable phrase from this evening.

"Aren't you going kiss me?"

I should have kissed her right then and there, but the stupid stuck with me. I should have understood it from the way she asked that she wanted me to do it, but I didn't.

"Do you want me to?" I asked.

My voice was really shaky and my heart was beating like crazy. I still thought she might say no, but she didn't. She said yes. The most important yes in my life. Her voice was actually a little shaky as well when she said it. I had been closely studying the ground up until now, but as I looked up I saw the desire and nervousness in her face. I could probably fill an entire notebook with just how I felt at that moment, but let's just sum it up. I was happy. I slowly leaned in and placed my lips on hers. Not that there had ever been any doubt, but I knew for sure when I kissed her that this was right. This was what my life should be like. Making out with Carly Shay. We just kept going, very slowly making out. We know each other so well, but this was new territory and we both took our time to explore it. My best guess is that we made out for maybe three minutes straight, but I don't know exactly. When it ended I had another of those moments when I thought I had screwed up.

"I love you Carly. I love you more than anything else in the world."

As I said those words it dawned on me that this was not part of the plan. I just wanted her to be my girlfriend and then take it slowly. Not admit that I was completely crazy about her. I didn't have to live in fear for long though.

"I love you too Sam. More than anything."

My stupidity had ended. I didn't doubt her for one second. The truth was all over her face. She really did love me. It really was that simple. We made out again of course. The thing is though, I can't really go on writing about how it was. Carly have taught me a lot of hard words, but none of them can describe how happy I am right now. Carly is my girlfriend and we are both in love. I started writing here to focus my thoughts and achieve what I wanted. Now I've done that so there's no point in going on. Maybe one day I'll go back and read about how it happened, but at the moment I don't care. Right now I just want to call my girlfriend and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

THE END


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: I just saw another story with a theme similar to what I have written here. It was also a Carly/Sam story. I did not read it before writing this however. I think a lot of us has reached the same conclusions about Sam's mother. It is at least somewhat implied in the series.

**

Shit, I'd never thought I'd want to write again. I got the girl so everything should be alright forever right? Not so much. Don't worry I still got the girl and she is as wonderful as ever. That's the good thing. Bad thing is that my mother might be dying. I'm in the hospital right now waiting to know. Here's the story. I came home and found her passed out on the couch. Unfortunately that's not unusual. Happens way too often. Shit it kinda sounds like I'm whining here, but I'm not. I'm used to it. I deal. Anyway I found her there and first thing I did was turning off the TV. Can't stand that smug harpy Oprah. Next thing I did was to go to my room to study.

Now that's a shocker right, but it has a very good explanation. Me studying It's Friday today and we have a history test on Monday. The thing is Carly made a deal with me. For every point I get on the test I will get one delicious and wonderful Carly-kiss. She didn't say it like that. She just said kiss, but the point is I want Carly-kisses. I'm hooked on those things. Now this whole deal might sound kinda silly. I mean it's not like she wouldn't kiss me anyway. She would because she's totally hooked on my kisses as well. The real point I'm trying to make here is that I want to make her proud. Simple as that. I wrote about Carly-smiles back when I last wrote here. I didn't mention the proud of me smile. That one I really love.

I'm kinda slow about getting on with my story about my mother, but Carly keeps popping up in my head all the time and then I have to write about her. There was this one time in when we were shopping. We were in a store and a few guys came up hitting on me. I ignored them, but they were persistent. They weren't aggressive or anything, just annoying. Anyway Carly came up and spoke to them.

"Sorry boys. This hottie is mine."

And then she kissed me. Like she really wanted them to know that I was taken. The reason I'm telling you this is because she had that proud-of-me-smile. She wanted to show off and let them know she had me. That I was hers. If a guy had acted like that, like he owned me I would have smacked him in the face or kneed him him in the nuts. I would have done this even back when I kinda thought there were some cute guys. But Carly, I am totally hers and if she wants to show me off like the hottie I am then I'm all for it. She acts like she landed the hottest girl in Seattle, but she's wrong. I did. Cause I landed Carly Shay.

Geez, Is it obvious I'm in love or what? Me and Carls have been together for a little more than four months now so I'm still allowed to be ridiculously in love. You know what, screw what I'm allowed to do. I'm gonna be ridiculously in love with her for the rest of my life. Anyway. Back to my mom. I just have to mention first that Carly and Spencer are in Yakima this weekend. That's really why I'm writing. If Carly had been here I could have just talked to her about this. This being that my mom might be dying.

So I studied in my room the entire afternoon. Around seven I went out into the kitchen and fried some things up. I can't really cook, but I can fry. The smell of food is usually enough to get my mom to wake up, but she didn't. I wasn't worried yet, I just ate and left her a plate in the micro for her. I figured she'd get up soon and eat. I went back to study some more, trying to hear if she got up, but she never did. Don't know when exactly but I tried to wake her and couldn't.

So here I am now in the middle of the night in a hospital. My mom has severe alcohol poisoning. When I looked around the apartment I found an empty bottle of Vodka that had been full when I left in the morning. She might even have drunk more than that. They pumped her stomach, but she's still unconscious and they don't know what will happen. She wasn't exactly in the best shape to begin with so things aren't looking good.

I guess this would be a good place to write about how worried I am. Thing is, I'm not really worried though. I don't know what I feel. I've worried about my mom my entire life so I guess I don't really have that much left in me. I'm mostly bored.

Carly and Spencer are suddenly here. I don't know why. I didn't call. Gotta go.

**

My mom is dead. I don't know what else to write about that right now. I'm sitting in the window and it's morning. Late morning really, but Carly is still asleep and I want to let her sleep for now. So, why did Carly and Spencer turn up at the hospital so suddenly? Turns out my mom had Spencer listed as her emergency contact in case something happened to her so the hospital called him and he and Carly came all the way back from Yakima. I'm a little surprised that my mom even bothered with something like that, but she did.

Why didn't I call Carly you ask? She is my girlfriend after all. Force of habit I guess. Carly knew what my mother was like, but we never really talked about it. She made sure that I knew I could talk to her about it, but I never did. I'm wasn't exactly ashamed, I mean whatever faults I have I'm nothing like my mother. It was mostly about pity I think. Carly used to feel really sorry for me about my mother and now of course she feels really, really sorry for me. I don't want it though. Sure, my mom was a neglectful drunk and she could be really mean, but it was only words.

So, I didn't call Carly and I didn't need to have her there, but it was still really nice. We just hugged at first. Again I didn't need a hug because my mother was dying. I just liked it because it was Carly and I always like her hugs. We didn't really talk much after that. We just sat there waiting. It was maybe an hour after they arrived that the doctor came and told me what had happened. That my mother was dead. I didn't cry. I still haven't by the way. Carly had tears in her eyes, but not me.

Pop psych 101 says that I'm repressing. I can't deal and in a few days it will just come flooding out. I don't think so. I am sad, I really am. I know that my mother loved me and I loved her as well. It's just this isn't exactly surprising. I've been ready for this forever. I just don't have it in my to cry for her. I don't know. I'm just going to go back into bed snuggle up to Carly now. She squirming in the bed poor girl. She's used to holding on to me I guess. Better give her something to hold on to.

**

It's afternoon now and Carly is on the phone with her grandfather. Actually I'm glad to have a moment for myself. Everyone is so god damn nice to me today. Carly must think I'm devastated and that I need all the care in the world, but I'm not devastated. I don't know if I can tell her that though. Maybe I'm being really callous here, not crying for my mother. Maybe she thinks I'm unable to feel anything. I think I have to tell her something.

Here's how I see it. I've saved up my good feelings for those who deserve it. Carly is the one who deserves my feelings. If she would die, I don't think I'd ever stop crying That would rip out my heart. Even before I fell in love with her or got together with her, Now it's even worse. I have tears in my eyes now thinking about it. I just have to talk to her.

I went down to check and she's still on the phone. She's got to the point in the conversation where's she gushing about me. That's so sweet. Her grandfather was apparently a bit skeptical about me dating his grand daughter. I don't think it was so much the lesbian thing but the fact that I'm not exactly a good influence. I can see his point, but I would never get Carly in trouble. Well, not any serious trouble at least. There was this one time when I stole an apple for her and we had to run away, but that apple would only have been eaten by birds if I hadn't taken it. Or a hobo a perhaps. Maybe I should steal another apple and give it to a hobo? That would be random, but a nice thing to do.

Speaking of reactions to me and Carly. I guess I can tell you those stories. First of all there's Freddie. He wasn't happy about it. I don't know if he'll ever get over Carly. It did get a little better though when Carly promised him that we'd help him hook up with someone else. There was one girl, Leah that he liked and Carly talked to her, trying to see if she liked him too. Then there were some misunderstanding and hijinks ensued and in the ends we found out that Leah actually thought Carly was the one who was interested in her and that Leah was interested in Carly. Poor Freddie who can't fall for a straight girl.

This brings us to school. Me and Carly didn't make an announcement over the loudspeakers or anything, but the truth is out there now. People seem to be OK with it. Everyone likes Carly and everyone is afraid of me, so we don't have any problems really. Some even said they saw it coming at least with me. I guess I can't blame them since they were right. Biggest problem is the horndogs who like to watch us kiss I guess. Threatening a kick in the nuts is enough to keep them in line though.

Spencer has been great though. He's very enthusiastic about the whole thing. Childishly enthusiastic like only he can be. He lets me stay over all the time and he leaves me and Carly alone. Which is great. But I don't know if I should think about it now. I should be sad now really. It's just that I can't really get those feeling at all. I don't know what to do. I really need to talk to Carly about this, cause you're not giving me an answer, now are you diary?

**

So diary, it's been a few days since I wrote. Today was mom's funeral. She didn't have much money or friends so it was small funeral. I still haven't cried. Not even when she was lowered into the ground. I'm actually happy now. My life will be better because she died. How wrong is that? The reason is simple. Spencer is adopting me. It will soon be official. My moms relatives didn't even bother to ask me if I wanted to live with them so it's a done deal.

Spencer was being very serious about it. He sent Carly over to Freddy and sat me down for a long talk. He said he loved me like a little sister and that he didn't do this because of Carly. He said he did this because he thought this is where I belong. That's really true. This has been my real home for years. In every way. It's where I sleep, it's where I eat, it's where I have fun. He also told me that no matter what happens between me and Carly I will always be welcome here.

I do love Spencer. It's easy for me to admit that. Not just because he has managed to raise Carly into being such a wonderful person. He's simply the only adult I really respect. He's funny and relaxed enough to let me and Carls have fun, but he cares enough to make sure we don't get in trouble. That talk with Spence finally gave me the courage to talk to Carly.

We didn't go into details about my previous life or anything. I simply told her how I felt. That I did deep down love my mother and that I know she loved me, but that I honestly felt a great sense of relief that she was no longer around. I told Carly this and braced myself. I feared that she would think I was a horrible person for saying something like that. Or tell me that I needed counseling or something. Instead she just gave me a reassuring smile and told me that she was glad I finally talked to her. Then we simply held each other for a while before falling to sleep.

Maybe one day I will want to talk about the way my mother treated me. I'm not the kind of person to talk about things like that, but maybe I will feel the need one day. The thing is though. If and when that day comes I know one thing. Carly will be there for me and she will listen.


End file.
